Reaching
by MomentarySetback
Summary: A series of connected one-shots and post-eps for season 5 developing a slightly alternate storyline for Kensi and Deeks in season 5, stringing together the good moments and attempting to fill in some blanks. Begins after 5x05.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** I have to admit that while I've loved a couple of the scenes between these two we've gotten on the show, I was hoping to see a littttttle more buildup and character development before they got to this point. So, I'm starting up this series of post-eps and one-shots that kind of serves as an alternate storyline for season 5, but it connects together some of the good scenes and [hopefully] fills in some blanks.

* * *

_You're inches from my fingertips_  
_I've come as close as I can get_  
_I'm reaching but the rest is up to you_  
_'Cause I don't ever wanna miss_  
_Being here with you like this_  
_I'm trying but it's all that I can do_  
_I'm reaching but the rest is up to you_  
_~Jason Reeves, "Reaching"_

* * *

Per usual, the Los Angeles sun was blinding as it radiated off the Pacific across from Deeks' house. He had to slip his sunglasses over his eyes before he twisted his key into the lock to secure his place for the day. He turned back toward the shore, taking a few steps down his walkway toward his car, eyes slowly adjusting to the brightness – and that's when he saw her.

Like some perfect portrait from a pin-up calendar in his dreams, Kensi was draped over his brand new, absolutely gorgeous, recently confiscated bike in a perfect mix of leather and shimmering metal. Okay, so he might have been imagining the draped part, he admitted a second later; it was really more of a lean, her foot planted against the weight of the bike, her backside seated on the edge of the driver's seat, her arm resting on the cushion of the back seat. And the only leather she had on was a black jacket loosely hugging her figure over her typical jeans and plaid button-up.

"Good morning, Sunshine." She grinned, squinting even with the sun at her back.

"You stole my opening," he accused. Now that he was close, he was paying special attention to the wind-blown strands of hair that had escaped her low ponytail and kept falling across her face.

Walking around the bike – and her – he gave it a onceover, checking for any scratches, dings, or imperfections. He was almost about to be a little angry that she'd taken her out of Hetty's garage and gone for a joy ride, but Deeks was finding it hard to stay irritated right now. He thumbed away a smudge on the chrome handlebar and resumed his stance across from her.

"How'd you pull this off?"

"Because _I'm_ Hetty's favorite," she answered proudly, "and I can be very convincing."

"Oh I don't doubt the latter part of that," Deeks agreed, his eyes dancing over her pointedly. "But what's the catch? I have to ride shotgun?"

"You're driving," she clarified, pressing the keys into his palm. "I'm riding on the back."

"Couldn't stop thinking about that, huh?" he teased, giving her an obligatory sidelong glance as he brushed past her to reclaim his new toy. "I knew you'd come around."

"Keep dreaming," she told him as she watched him start up the bike, the roar of the engine almost drowning out her words. Taking his place in the driver's seat, he exhaled as the now familiar rush of excitement and adrenaline coursed through him. Somehow, though, it felt a little reckless this time.

And then Kensi gripped the edges of the open leather jacket, peeling it from her shoulders. As she shrugged it off, her plaid shirt rode up with it, revealing the smallest patch of smooth, toned light olive skin.

"I think I am." He grinned as she shoved the jacket – _his_ jacket, he now realized – into his chest.

But at the sight of her bare arms where her shirt ended halfway up her forearms, he hesitated before sliding it on.

"That's all you're wearing?"

"Yep."

Suddenly, a harsh dose of reality he hadn't felt in a while overwhelmed him as his mind conjured up motorcycle accident incidence rates, images of road rash on crash victims from his time as a patrol officer, statistics on passenger fatalities and injuries…

"Do you know how painful road rash is?" he reasoned with her, not amused by her smile at their role reversal.

"Yep."

He handed the jacket back over to her, but she refused. Instead, she placed a hand on his hip like it was the most natural thing in the world – though it sent his senses into overdrive – and set her right foot on the back footrest, lifting herself into the back seat behind him.

"I'm not going to need it," she assured him, adjusting her balance until she was centered. She'd taken special care not to lean against him yet, he noted, but the contact was inevitable. Her knees were already brushing against his thighs, and once they were moving she'd have to lean into the turns with him, would have to brace against him when he hit the brakes.

"And how do you know that?"

"Because you're my partner," she said simply, like it was the only answer. She leaned forward, resting her chin on his shoulder. Although she was definitely trying to get to him, he was sure her voice wasn't supposed to sound quite so enticing as she added, "It's your job to keep me safe."

She smiled as she felt his body stiffen. Swallowing hard, he looked dead ahead for fear of catching sight of the playfulness and softness in her eyes he knew was there.

"Really?" he finally managed, aggressively kicking up the stand. "You're seducing me into safety? Hetty was okay with this?"

"Oh, Hetty thought it was brilliant."

Balancing their weight on the bike, he finally slid the jacket on like the catch that it was. And when he turned around to pass her a helmet, she was still smiling – half proudly, half something else.

Because if this worked, which it was, then it pushed the bonds of their partnership even further.

Something told him, whether Kensi realized it or not, that the lesson wasn't just for him. Yesterday Kensi had lectured him on the dangers of motorcycle crashes and PTSD and mortality rates for soldiers returning from traumatic experiences. Yesterday she'd declared it was _her_ job to keep _him_ safe, taking on all the responsibility in the world, and today she'd willingly turned it around on him.

It was his job to keep her safe, too. How much of that, he wondered, involved keeping himself safe for her, too?

Deeks fastened his own helmet, checking the controls, the mirrors, the brakes what seemed like a hundred times before he even considered leaving the curb. And when he finally did, he checked the road several times more before pulling out slowly and steadily.

Resisting the urge to roar the engine against the wind and race along the shore, he crawled along at the speed limit. Kensi peered over his shoulder, a smile curving her lips when she saw that they were humming along at a very steady, very exact 35 miles per hour.

But by the time he'd pulled up at the first main light they needed to turn left at, her amusement was dwindling.

They were going _slow_. Like, grandpa driving, cars angrily swerving around them slow. And now he was stopped in a left turn lane when they had a yield light and several opportunities to make it through. To make matters worse, he was humming. Happily, carelessly, and yet completely attentive to the road. He was just trying to get to her now and it was working.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm waiting for the light. Because it's safer."

"This is going to take forever," she said, glancing at the time on his watch. Between her early morning talk with Hetty, a trip to the garage, their short exchange outside his house, and his overly cautious driving, they were late.

And waiting for a green light when the roads were completely clear.

"Oh my God, there aren't any cars. Deeks, _go_. You're driving me crazy."

"What's that, Sunshine?" he called out, purposely roaring the engine as it sat idle. "You want to go now?"

Deeks couldn't resist. With a discreet glance each direction, he hit the gas hard and peeled out – though controlled and safely – of the intersection, forcing Kensi to hold his waist for balance. And when the gears shifted sharply as he accelerated, her chest bumped against his back.

Rather than right herself, she had to lean into the turn with him so she stayed there, her hand on his waist as her body pressed into his, heat and tension between them.

"Have I mentioned that you're very annoying?"

She heard – and felt – him laugh against her. Despite her words from moments ago, it made her smile. It had been a while since she'd heard him laugh like that, since she'd seen him so…balanced. Either he was a wreck or he was so, so good that he was on a high, searching for anything that would keep his heart racing and his adrenaline pumping.

But there was nothing like Kensi's safety to sober him up from an adrenaline binge, and that both calmed her and terrified her. Hadn't there been a time not too long ago when they'd struggled with trust – when he'd freaked out at the thought of her touching his gun, when she'd hidden so many parts of herself away from him?

Now trust was at the very center of so many things about them… It was everything.


	2. Chapter 2

Timeline: after 5x06, "Big Brother"

* * *

By the time Kensi was walking out the doors of Paradiso CrossFit, her arms were burning with fatigue and her legs were dragging like they were made of lead.

She'd pushed herself. Hard. She'd pay for it tomorrow with sore muscles that would be slow to warm up in the field, but it had been worth it. She'd needed it today of all days.

The day had been harder than she'd expected – harder than in the past for some reason. She'd hoped for an average day of shootouts, knife fights, and terrorist catching so she could lose herself in the rush of adrenaline, but instead her past had been dredged up out of nowhere right before her eyes.

High school. Oblivious teenagers. _Normal_ teenagers. A time she'd been robbed of.

On any other day, she could've handled it just fine. On any other day, she would have easily compartmentalized, brushed it aside, and moved on. On any other day, she might not even have thought twice about it. But not today.

And somehow it had been even more emotionally taxing with Deeks in tune to her all day. His watchful eyes had clung to her at times, giving her space when she needed it but reading the distance and discord in her eyes and helping her gloss over it with Sam and Callen.

As she slung her sweatshirt over her shoulder and adjusted her messenger bag, she fixed her eyes on the parking lot ahead. She was really looking forward to a shower so hot it'd rival the burning in her arms, a couple beers to dull her senses and thoughts, and some mindless television while she propped her aching body up on her couch.

But as she reached the end of the walkway, the first thing she noticed was that there was a car in the middle of her path. The second thing was that it was Deeks.

She stopped short, tilting her head to the side, half in question, half in annoyance. Something told her this was some nice gesture – they'd been doing a lot of that lately – but it filled her with anger and frustration and irritation and – relief. Relief that just made her more irritated.

Deeks grinned when they locked eyes, and by the time he had the window rolled down she had her hands on her hips defiantly.

"So you're stalking me now?"

"What, you can show up at my doorstep but I can't show up at yours? Yet another double standard." He moved something - a box - off the passenger seat and clicked the unlock button. "Get in."

"Excuse me?" She raised her brows, challenging him.

"Come on in, we're going somewhere."

Kensi eyed him carefully, weighing her options.

"Geez," Deeks let out as he peeked over his door, taking in the sweat darkening her grey tank and making her arms, neck, chest, and face glisten. "You're worse than Monty. I'm gonna have to put a towel down."

Her brows furrowed in annoyance and she started a quip back, but stopped herself, walking away instead. Biting back would mean giving in, and it'd start an avalanche of banter during which, today especially, she might say something she didn't mean - or that she meant too much.

Deeks followed her at a crawl in his car, pumping the brakes hard when she stopped to look at him.

"Sorry, I didn't mean that," he called out softly, letting up on the brakes as he followed her again. Noticing an audience of sweaty crossfitters gathering outside, he grinned. "Kensi." He hit the brakes with every time he spoke. "Princess." He crept along, matching her pace. "I love you no matter how sweaty you are." And then, with a pointed glance down at her compression pant covered curves, he added, "Actually, this whole strong and sweaty thing is kind of hot and -"

She punched him straight in the bicep, pressing her lips together to keep from smiling. God, she hated that he could do that even on a day when she'd shut down. She really, really did.

And yet she found herself walking around the front of his car to get in the passenger seat.

"Happy?" she asked, yanking on the seatbelt.

"Yes." Smirking, he watched her for a moment before he eased out of the parking lot.

Catching scent of something that smelled like heaven to her overworked body and empty stomach, she let her eyes follow her nose and found two all too familiar bags sitting between their seats along with a six pack of beer.

"Is that…?" She checked the labels on the bag, answering her own question. "Oh my God, you read my mind. I was going to stop by on my way home. You got extra bacon, right?"

He shot her a look that questioned whether she knew him at all. "Obviously."

A few minutes later, he was guiding the car up a back road off a network of sandy paths the surfers frequented. When they reached a clearing along the shore in between cliffs and and rocks, a non-surfing spot, he parked the car as close to the shore as he could and grabbed the bags and six pack from the floorboard.

Kensi hesitated, slowly slipping out of her seat and walking around the bumper. "You kidnapped me for a romantic dinner on the beach?"

"Romantic?" Deeks pretended to be appalled. "Really, that is so inappropriate."

Tucking the bags against his body, he stole a fry and shoved it into his mouth as he watched her glare at him.

"But no," he answered as they made their way closer to the water. "It's an intervention."

She raised a brow. He'd lost most of the playful tone now, and she had the same feeling she'd had earlier that day when he'd eyed her losing her resolve over entering that high school: that he could see right through her steely facade.

"Or a distraction. You've been broody all day."

"Yeah, well, I'm allowing myself to be broody today."

"Fair enough." He shrugged, finding a clear spot in the sand and taking a seat. "I just didn't want you to brood alone."

Kensi claimed her spot beside him and let her lips curve into a small, appreciative smile. He offered her a beer which she gladly accepted, twisting the cap off and pressing the bottle to her lips for a swig.

"So how's the bike?" she asked, intentionally changing the subject. He handed her a bag and she rummaged through it, shoveling a few fries into her mouth before pulling out the burger.

"Hetty still won't let me ride alone. Little Nazi." Peeling the wrapper back just enough, he took an oversized bite of his extra bacon cheeseburger. With a full mouth, he muttered, "She keeps asking about my emotional center."

She laughed, thumbing ketchup and mustard from the corner of her lip. "And how is it?"

"What?"

"Your emotional center," she repeated, mimicking Hetty.

"Fine," he insisted. And then he glanced at her, her dripping burger in one hand, half-eaten fries in the other. Between her workout and the humidity, the stray locks of hair that had fallen from her pony tail were curling at the back of her neck. "Getting better…"

"Yeah?" She looked over at him, unaware that he'd been studying her.

"Yeah."

"Good."

Brief silence settled between them as they cleared the last bits of food, and even in that short time he watched Kensi's demeanor change. She'd retreated just slightly again amid the quiet, her eyes on the waves crashing before them, her brows creased in thought.

"So," Deeks began, leaning back on his palms in the sand. "Anniversary or birthday?"

Kensi's brows furrowed even more and he knew he'd gotten somewhere. Straightening up, she rotated her neck a little and released a heavy breath before she settled back on her hands, mirroring him.

"I thought I hid it pretty well."

"I mean, you fooled Sam, Callen, and Hetty," he gave her. "I just know my partner." Leaning over, he nudged her arm with his and her mouth tightened, trying to conceal a smile.

"Well," she began, turning towards him, "I doubt I fooled Hetty, not to mention she has a super creepy file on each of us that she could defer to, anyway."

He nodded her way in agreement, pursing his lips together as he considered what all Hetty had on him, on Kensi.

She'd almost changed the subject again, but somehow she was taming her urge to follow through. Instead, she thought of earlier, when he'd covered for her when she couldn't do the job, when he'd made light of high school tribulations - all the while keeping an eye on her, catching her eyes every so often with a knowing, understanding gaze. It was both a lot infuriating and a little nice.

She took a deep breath, steeling herself. "Birthday."

Their eyes met, his a little surprised. This was new.

"Harder than the anniversary these days," she added as she pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. "I don't think anyone really knows what to do with someone's birthday when they're gone, so they just…don't. And it feels wrong." She pushed her shoulders forward, shrugging and shaking her head. "He would have been 60 today."

Deeks was going to say he was sorry, because he was, but she knew. She wouldn't have been answering if she didn't, and she had been hearing how sorry people were for years anyway.

"What was he like?" he asked instead.

The corners of her lips turned up as she remembered, but she hesitated, caught up in memories.

"Tall…" he began with a pointed nod towards her, drawing a real smile from her. "At least I'm assuming, because your mom sure isn't…"

"Tall," she finally started, agreeing. Resting her chin on her arm, she added, "And really smart - not just book smart but practical, too. He was a little rough around the edges, intense - and he demanded a lot of those he knew were capable. But he was a really good person."

Deeks wondered if she knew if she'd just described herself, too.

"And he had a soft spot for my mom and me." She turned towards him, laying her cheek against the crook of her shoulder.

"Of course," he chimed in teasingly. "You were probably adorable with your pig tails and mini sniper rifle."

"Oh I was," she assured. "And I could probably outshoot you then, too."

"Oh, I don't doubt that." He grinned at the thought of her.

Reaching into his paper bag, he removed a small white box and set it between them. Pulling apart the sides, he revealed a miniature picturesque red velvet cake and pressed a single candle into the middle.

Kensi's brows knit together tightly. "What's this? How'd you know?"

"I had a hunch," he admitted, fetching a matchbook from his pocket. "And I didn't think you actually wanted to skip your dad's birthday." He struck one and, cradling the candle from the breeze, held the match there until the flame danced. She watched in carefully concealed awe.

"Make a wish," he said. "What would he want?"

She held his gaze while she thought for a moment, then smiled.

Holding her hair back as the wind picked up, she leaned between them, took a small breath in, and gently blew out the flame.

Deeks handed her a fork and let her take the first bite.

"So what'd you wish for?" he asked a few minutes later, after they'd traded several bites, lowered their forks, and washed it down with a second beer.

She shook her head, smiling knowingly. It must have been killing him. "I'm not telling you. Because then it won't come true."

"Oh come on."

"Nope."

"How about a hint?"

"Nope."

"Okay," he agreed, a little too easily. He followed her lead and trudged through the sand back towards the car. "Then riddle me this mystery… What was in the box?"

She laughed - really laughed, forgetting this was an intervention or whatever he'd called it.

Despite the significance of the day and her feelings about it, he'd managed to cut through the bullshit and avoidance tactics to justify her feelings. While the anniversary of her father's had death plagued her for years, now it was the could-have-beens that haunted her most atop the sadness. But with the simple acknowledgement that today meant something, that her father had been here and had made her world a better place while he was, it was a little easier to swallow - a little easier to let herself feel today.


End file.
